I spent all afternoon and most of the evening packing away my life in boxes. I'm leaving on a mission trip to Africa the first week in June, then moving to Wisconsin the week after I get back so I figured I better get a head start on packing. I have a month until I leave to go to the other side of the world. It's a weird thing to think about. But what's even weirder is that in two months, I'll be living hundreds of miles away from here in another state. Moving isn't something new to me. My Dad was in the Army for nine years and we moved A LOT. But I've been here in Alabama for nine years now. NINE! That's longer than I've ever stayed in one place. So I consider this home. Sweet Home Alabama. Moving didn't seem real until today. We have been talking about it for months, putting the house up for sale, house hunting in WI, hyping ourselves up. But today, as I started packing away the memories of my life here, it really hit me. I'm leaving. Life is never going to be the same.

In some ways I'm glad to be leaving this behind. It will be nice to start over. But this is the house full of my memories of tears, vomit, and many a sleepless night. The neighborhood where I fell down a hill on my bike when I was 11, where I layed out in the driveway on my lawn chair to get a tan when I was 13, where I sat on the porch and played guitar when Alabama was experiencing a rare mild summer day. And my friends, the ones who encouraged me through it all...I can't take them with me. I know I won't lose contact with my best friends, but what about everyone else. The neighbors, the church members, the teachers at my old high school, the nurses and doctors at the hospital where I was treated. I can't possible keep in touch with everyone. And that's heartbreaking for me.

I have TONS of pictures. I never realized how many until I started packing away all the scrapbooks and photo albums. I'm so glad I have them to help me remember. The sad thing is, we aren't even going to have a house right away when we move. We'll be living with my grandpa, so I don't know when I'll be able to unpack these boxes I packed today. It could be 6 months before I can look at a photo of me and my choir friends from junior year. I sure hope not.

Today I literally sifted through everything that I own. It's crazy to see everything you've aquired in your life being wrapped in newspaper or covered with packing peanuts. I don't know how I feel about it.

My life has been in an upset since the day I was diagnosed. There was never a dull moment if you were around me. Doctors appointments, chemo, complications, hospitalizations, relapses....the works. I felt like while things were happening a mile a minute, I was stuck in the same spot. Things came and went, good and bad, but I was still standing there wondering where to go. I was trapped. And Cancer was my captor. I couldn't escape from it no matter how hard I tried. But then suddenly one day I was free. Free to breathe again. To literally BREATHE again. I used to be scared that every breath I took might be my last. That some germ would cause the infection that would lead to my end. But I was free. Really free! After 5 years of fighting, I had won! And here I am, the victor, knowing that all that I learned is not meant to be bottled up inside of me. I have so much to share. I feel wise beyond my years. I know the beauty of life, and yes...even the beauty of death. I watched as friends suffered, and I cried when they were buried. But I know that when suffering becomes to great, God has mercy and takes them to Heaven. I fought anger and depression. I felt abandoned by friends and family. I know what it is to be truly afraid. I used to be scared to die. I'm not scared of dying anymore. My true fear is leaving this world before I can make an impact. I want to be remembered. My fear is of being forgotten.
Now that I am no longer stuck in one place watching the world go by, it's my time to move. It's my time to LIVE. This is how I will be remembered: by touching one life at a time, giving hope to one person at a time, taking one step at a time. It's time to move on.